Hi, I’m Wurse, RN.
I’m here to slag off horrible patients, awful nurses, terrible doctors, and offer my completely biased and moderately informed opinions on stuff that happens in hospitals.
1. Evidence-Based Practice is the best thing ever. I will die on this hill. Also the hill will be made of a mountain of extraneous and redundant paperwork that I have to do instead of Stuff that Makes a Difference.
2. I’d rather work with someone lazy and pleasant than a turbo-charged bitch. Nurses eat not only their young, but anybody within munching range. This needs to change, but, you know, change is super annoying so probably won’t happen. Just don’t be that person. And don’t read Scrubs magazine, it’s full of crap.
3. Everybody can teach you one of two things: either what and how TO be, or what and how NOT to be. Aim for the first one.
So. Nursing wise. I’ve completed a Masters in nursing, which sounds super cool on paper. And makes 0 difference in reality. I also have a degree in psychology which allows me to correctly identify my terrible coping mechanisms and the reasons for them, although so far hasn’t done anything towards helping me change them. I’m coming to accept that (5th step! Peace isn’t far off.)
I speak German, which I never wanted to learn, fluently, because I accidentally got stuck in Austria after a gap year. I speak French, which I always wanted to learn, very non-fluently because I’m a lazy slag with no discipline. I’m trying to find a way to get stuck in France by accident so I can fix this. The French thing, not the lazy thing. That’ll probably make it worse.
I’ve dug 5 day old bodies out of a bomb site, canoed solo down the Peace River, flown over an active volcano, and climbed Mt Kenya. I mention these because when I talk about me in this blog it’s inevitably about enormous embarrassing things I’ve done or mistakes I’ve made, so I feel it’s important that you know that, at least on paper, and when I was a lot younger, I was Reasonably Cool and Interesting.
I’m moderately straight-laced and conservative. Except (and/or as a consequence) I have pretty black humour. I am okay with that.
So it’ll get pretty dark here, and ALSO, I mention genitalia a lot. Not because I like them. But they are literally a good 79% of nursing. I wish that were a lie. Bits are, in my opinion, quite literally The Worst, and every single one of you reading this should go shower, NOW, in case you get in an accident and some poor nurse as to deal with your bits. Trust me, they can never be too clean. And, yes, it’s usually the boys, although my Grossest Story Ever was, in fact, a lady. Anyway.
Bits aside, as I said to my patient the other day, so we can move on to other things. Enjoy.